Can You Manage Chronic Pain By Pretending It Is Okay?

[Lisa Copen]

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Can You Manage Chronic Pain By Pretending It Is Okay?
by Lisa Copen

Have you ever been tempted to just pretend that the life you are living is different than the reality? If you have, you can quickly imagine a new life by just hanging out for a few minutes with a 6-year-old. Since my son seems to want loads of interaction around any scenario that is different than the one he is having. Each sentence seems to start with "Mom, let's pretend..."

I've pretended to be the grocery clerk, the mailman, the chef, the librarian, the waitress, and the person at the DVD rental place.

My son has acted out the role of a stranger who approaches our front door in dark three dimensional glasses (that we got at the movies, but that he would not put on for the entire show.)

He has been the adventurous Indiana Jones with his hat and whip, while I've been his sidekick to back him up when being attacked by a man-eating plant.

I've been the gardener coming to clip his shrubs.

We've been American Idols singing the Beach "Guys" (his words).

And I've repeatedly had to pretend to be frightened by fake roaches, a giant squid and rubber lizards.

It can be fun and entertaining to see what scenario he comes up with next. He claims the roles of director, producer and guest star. Now if he can just write the theme song I will have a little Clint Eastwood on my hands. But of course, he'd rather be Harrison Ford (you can't beat the guy who stars in both Indiana Jones and Star Wars!)

Each scene we act out he seems to think I can improve upon, and so the director in him makes us do it over and over. I try to be creative, but sometimes I just want to toss aside the Indy and go buy myself a Barbie. At least I could brush her hair.

A few times after we've done "Take 7," creatively fatigued and I've told him, "Mommy is tired of pretending to be scared. I just want to rest. Go get Daddy."

What does all of this have to do with chronic illness? Are you asking yourself, "How does this story impact me dealing with chronic illness?" I think living with a chronic illness involves a certain balance of having the ability to pretend.

One of the commercials for rheumatoid arthritis finally makes sense to me. It shows a split screen on the TV with the person living her actual life on the left side of the screen and then (with the medication of course) they are able to cross the line in the middle of the screen and enter into the life they have previously just been able to observe. And the right side of the screen may include an activity as simple as having dinner with the family (no sky diving or water skiing.)

There will always be seasons in our lifetime when the drugs don't work like they promised or we've developed a tolerance. Perhaps they are no longer available or we can just no longer afford them. No matter how hard we try to make wise choices or pray for relief, we cannot seem to cross over to the right side of that television screen and live the life we want to be living. But we do have the gift and choice of being able to just pretend. What do I mean?

There are moments when I don't FEEL like participating in anything. I don't want to "go do something fun." I don't want to get out of the house. I feel terrible. I am aching and just want quiet. But we still have to take the step forward sometimes and just "pretend" we do. We have to choose to go through the motions. And guess what? The results may actually come as a surprise!

For example, recently my parents were here for a visit and we wanted Papa to be able to take my son fishing off the dock at a little local lake. We enthusiastically packed everything up, including a picnic lunch on Monday, but when we got there the lake was "closed for fishing Mondays." Who knew that maybe the fish needed a Sabbath too?

So, before their visit was over, we were still going to get that fishing trip in and we ended up rushing over one night at 7 p.m. to get 20 minutes of fishing in before the lake closed at dusk. My husband came home from work and we said, "We're going to the lake. Jump in the other car!"

To be honest, I was sore. I wouldn't have minded a bit to just stayed home and let the guys take photos. I wasn't walking all the way down the dock anyway. But I knew my son wanted "the entire family" to go. So I went.

And you know what I found? A beautiful, peaceful lake that had hardly a soul on it. Just sitting on the patio deck by the tackle store was relaxing and rejuvenating and I will back there again soon, especially when I am working on my next book.

When we are dealing with a chronic illness we are given a body that seems to have a voice of its own and it is not afraid to use it, telling us things like, "I wouldn't do that if I were you, stop, it's not safe, you really shouldn't, just get some rest, this is not a good idea, skip it this time at least."

It's wise to know when to heed this advice. For example, never overdo during chronic post-surgical pain. Pushing yourself too far can make your condition even worse and you won't learn the art of monitoring your energy, something you desperately need to live fully with a chronic illness.

But you also much learn how to decide what to listen to and what to disregard that your body is telling you. It's no secret that for a lot of chronic pain, especially fibromyalgia, depression medication is prescribed. Know when to answer back. "What is the worse that can happen? Why not? I'm going to go for it! Just this once; It will be okay; I will be careful." And of course, "I'll just pretend."

I am not advocating ignoring your emotions, especially if you are dealing with a depression that will not go away. However, there have been many studies around the globe that prove that being an optimist can increase your health and longevity. One study found the people who considered themselves pessimists were 3 times more likely to suffer from a heart attack or need to repeat their surgical heart procedures within 6 months. How you react to what your mind tells you does make a significant difference.

There are formal books with many steps toward chronic illness management, but really, with a few choices, you may realize that you are moving over to the right side of the "screen." Step by step, you are coming closer to the life that you wanted to live.

Lisa Copen is the founder of Invisible Illness Awareness Week held annually in Sept and featuring a 5-day virtual conference online. Follow Invisible Illness Week on Twitter for cool prizes and info. Blog about invisible illness on your site, be a featured guest blogger, meet others, read articles and lots more. Make a difference!