WHY?

[Sandra]

Anyone struggling with all the WHY? questions lately? I confess that they can be at the top of my list. I know that I would appreciate any prayers for wisdom, grace, and the ability to let God do with my life what He will do, no matter what. I also welcome the opportunity to pray for someone else's needs. xo Sandra

[Angela Dobbins]

Yes, Sandra. I am struggling with the "Why" questions quite a bit lately. It seems lately that I just can not seem to break through to a more secure place involving my finances and life in general. I find myself thinking "only if" and "why can't it be different?". I have asked the Lord to search my heart and to show me whatever wicked way there is within me that could be causing me to be held in bondage for so long. My calling is to be a help to others... and yet, somehow, I can hardly seem to help myself right.

I will pray for you, Sandra, and I welcome any prayers you can offer for me, as well. Perhaps we can be of some support to one another during these difficult times in our lives.

May God bless you, my friend

Angela

[Sandra]

Hi Angela, I know what you mean. It's discouraging and so confusing when you feel that the Lord has gifted you with certain talents/desires/ dreams/ visions, and then makes it seemingly impossible to fulfill them. How can being sick and alone and in pain glorify HIm? My personal desire/ vision for my life (which I felt that God had spoken to my heart) was to have both biological and adopted children, to teach, and to be involved in active church ministry. Well, I have been teaching Pre-K and I love that, but we have been infertile for 11 years, and when I became sick with FM 5 years ago, all my ministry ceased. I had been involved in children's ministry, choir, prayer ministry, and God was allowing me to speak on a number of topics at retreats, etc. I thought that I was being trained for something, and my faith was undaunted. I felt a powerful release of the Holy Spirit in my life and I was studying, praying, and communing with God. It was a lovely and intimite relationship with my savior. Now everything seems shattered, and I wrestle with self-doubt on so many levels...where did I go wrong? Am I in sin? Blah, blah, blah. Another heartbreak was having to leave the church family that I love because the services were so long it was torture to stay. I am now attending a wonderful church, but it's not "home", you know? I just don't see how any of this is growing me, and although I know that He is here with me, the road seems very dark in front of me, and I really feel like I am going through the "valley of the shadow of death". Maybe all of this is to show me that "when Jesus is all you have, Jesus is all you need". I wish I didn't feel so shaky though. I miss those days of total confidence and sensing the physical presence of the Lord! Sandra